How Self-Esteem Guides Success and Failure

How Self-Esteem Guides Success and Failure

Psychology is abundant with theories and concepts that continue to beguile human minds from the most seasoned scientists to the typical citizen. One particular aspect of psychology that affects every person is that of self-esteem. The belief we have in our self is so powerful that it generally affects all areas in life and guides us toward success or failure. This author will delve into the deep psychological realms of self-esteem, what impinges on each individual and their degree of self-esteem, and how one can determine the means to positive self-realization through healthy self-esteem.

The Existence of Self-Esteem

Very few psychological inquiries lack the element of intrigue. Most, however, are specific to certain groups of people and have a diverse array of interest points. Self-esteem is unique in this regard because it affects all human beings. It lives and breathes in every human mind with varying measures of strength and endurance. Self-esteem can lead our thoughts and actions in a most incredible way; guiding us into destructive behavior or successful pursuits. Self-esteem can be defined in simple terms as, “a person’s overall self-evaluation or sense of self-worth (Myers, 2005, pg. 62)”.

Many features of human life influence and directly impact a person’s self-esteem. The outside world is always pushing and pulling with an intrusive force into the lives of each individual. The willingness of a person to structure and conduct their own analysis of self worth is dependant on filtering these influences for negative effects. Self-esteem is the power of drive, the blaster of limitations, and the encouragement to a thirsty soul. Everyone has some level of self-esteem, however, this is never the same throughout life as our self-esteem becomes inhibited and grows in direct relation to certain life experiences and challenges with social interaction.

The history of self-esteem can be traced all the way back to childhood. It can be evident in the newest of babies and seemingly grows with the child’s biological progression. Many things can prove to be a determinant for self-esteem, whether poor or extremely healthy. A positive home environment feeds the persistence of a hale and hearty self-esteem. Positive support breeds well adjusted self-conception in children. Interaction with siblings and peers promote self-identity and help to blossom unique individuality. A child becomes aware of their personal qualities and talents and self-esteem flourishes. But there are natural human tendencies to doubt one’s own self worth throughout the many complicated stages of life. The awareness a child may adopt of their self is constantly battled with the perception of other’s intrinsic traits (Myers, 2005). Siblings are compared throughout childhood as others notice specific characteristics. Children become conscious of the reality of differences and tend to doubt the significance of their own contribution to society. And just as positive encouragement can help a child gain self-esteem; negative environmental effects can systematically destroy it. Once a child grows and changes, they are thrust into new situations and grander schemes within the world. No longer does the secluded environment of home supply the needed tools for self-esteem. Parents dote and confirm the greatness within a child, but the new exposure to the outside world through school and other activities threaten the comfort of positive justification and acknowledgment. This author’s seven-year-old daughter comes to mind with the topic of self-esteem. With the insurance of love and support in the household, this author makes it a point to consistently praise her children for their effort and their amazing capabilities. Yet, this author’s daughter has displayed low self-esteem on many occasions. Despite the bombarding comments of her beauty inside and out, this author’s daughter has negatively described herself as less than beautiful. And regardless of the many acknowledgements from her loving parents, school teacher and peers that she is brilliant and intellectually advanced for her age, when this author’s daughter gets less than a perfect grade on a spelling test, she never fails to call herself names that degrade her intelligence. Seemingly, there is more to self-esteem then positive outside influence or negative outside influence. One has an internal calculator that bases worth on many things. Success and failure can be swinging pendulums marking our belief with every move we make.

What Determines Self-Esteem

An important and interesting factor that plays a role in self-esteem development is that of one’s own perceptions. Despite positive role models in life, a happy home, and healthy relationships with others, a person will naturally construct self-beliefs based on internal realities. Influences from others also help self-esteem take shape in new ways. Usually there are inconsistencies with social interactions with others, and many of these provide negative feedback that is usually compiled from another’s self-esteem. Degrading another person or attempting to lower someone’s image will undoubtedly have an affect on the self-perception (Myers, 2005).

Possibly the main ingredient for disturbing behavior is low self-esteem. “A close relationship has been documented between low self-esteem and such problems as violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, eating disorders, school dropouts, teenage pregnancy, suicide, and low academic achievement (NASE, 2008, pg. 1)”. This author has experienced negative effects of low self-esteem. Lack of motivation for betterment of self, fear of trying new things, and unwillingness to recognize successes are all symptoms of self-esteem issues that this author has had challenges with. What this author has determined is that with the ever-changing cycle of life, self-esteem can be dangerously maneuvered to serve a purpose. Self-esteem can be consciously and sub-consciously altered to justify shortcomings and can also be the culprit of them directly.

Within the scope of achievement, it is highly regarded that self-esteem is closely linked with performance. It is very difficult to triumph with a negative or slurred image of one’s self. And it seems that we persistently have to reprogram our life and the belief we have in our self. Therefore, the development of healthy self-esteem is a consistent process in which we must be aware in order to have a balanced existence.

Developing Healthy Self-Esteem

Perhaps there is no certain way of having a belief in self that defies all negativity. If so, success would be imminent in all that we do. But a bright side of this issue is apparent through many psychological studies of self-esteem. Many people have suffered from self-loathing or low self-esteem. As discussed previously, this can come about from outside influence or internal apprehension.

It seems perceptible that having high self-esteem keeps us out of undesirable situations. Persuasion has a huge impact on us in life, and it generates more profusely when our self-esteem is damaged or fragile. Studies on persuasion and its relation to self-esteem have shown that “when people think deeply rather than superficially, any changed attitude will more likely persist, resist attack, and influence behavior (cited from Myers, D., 2005, pg. 249)”. Persuasion has less influence on our well being when we have positive self-esteem and we are able to constantly nurture our self-beliefs and remain static with our feelings about who we are. Outside influence then becomes less relevant and we are able to filter good influence from bad.

While the exploration of self-esteem has proven that high self-esteem is much more positive and provides better results than low self-esteem, it is important to note that while self-esteem is relevant and necessary for a healthy living style, it is also dangerous to have an overly elevated sense of self-esteem. “When feeling threatened, only high-self-esteem people became significantly more antagonistic – arrogant, rude, and unfriendly (cited from Meyers, D., 2005, pg. 65)”. Similarly, low self-esteem will have an astoundingly unconstructive effect.

One must balance this affliction without fail throughout their lives. Because life has a very indistinctive roadmap for us all, we must recognize the many falls and rises of our successes and failures and what helps to cause these events as well as our reaction to them. If a man proposes marriage with a sustaining affirmative response, his self-esteem will naturally heighten. He will believe that he is worthy and will eventually engender characteristics to support this belief. On the other hand, suppose a woman dates a man for a long while and never receives a proposal of marriage or acknowledgement that the relationship will grow into more substantial levels. She will of course feel lowly of herself because of this solitary event and start to wonder what is wrong with her. The latter is a harmful situation, but a healthy person will assess it in order to discern other factors that come into play aside from lack of traits within the self.

Undoubtedly, “crises of self-esteem are a part of the human experience (Zenk, A, 2007, pg. 1)”. Hence, we should understand that normality is evident in fluctuating self-esteem. It is our duty to monitor these occurrences to weed our depression and other afflictions to remain healthy. Balancing our self-belief is also important for the improvement of self-esteem. Self-affirmation techniques such as telling ourselves that we are attractive, able and kind are great ways to increase self-esteem. Reminding ourselves of our achievements and awards throughout life will help sustain a positive self-image as well as evaluating our failures and contemplating what we would change about our performance. We must not, however, allow ourselves to attain blame in other areas to boost our self-esteem. This may protect our self-belief temporarily, but will assess more problems in life that will cause depression and paranoia because we may tend to believe that the world is against us despite our grand attempts at success.

Staying away from “should” statements will also generate better self-awareness habits (Zenk, A., 2007, pg. 1). Staying clear of regret or guilt and appraising the best steps to success will surely gain self-esteem that is accurate and balanced appropriately. “Find out what you want and what you are good at, value those, and take actions designed to fulfill your potential (Zenk, A., 2007, pg. 1)”. One should also avoid “immediate gratification” and treat their own needs and wants with dignity (Zenk, A., 2007, pg. 1)”. Monitoring our growth and the changing needs we have will help us approach a healthy self-image. And lastly, in order to gain and subsequently maintain healthy self-esteem, we should “set achievable goals” and ultimately rely on our “own self-perception” as opposed to the outside view that seemingly penetrates our own beliefs and realities about our self (Zenk, A., 2007, pg. 1). These tools will generate positive self-esteem while maintaining a realism about our growth and undeniable challenges throughout life.

Self-esteem is a topic within psychology that has never lost its luster. The discovery of what self-esteem is and why exactly it is so important has brought us to an understanding that all human beings have self-esteem and deal with it in different ways. Although healthy self-esteem is never set in stone as life experiences cause us to wander in our self-beliefs, it is evident that continually fostering what constitutes as self-esteem is what captures healthy living among human beings. Having a truthful adaptation of who we are, what we are good at, and how we can be better seem to be the fundamental points to continuous self-esteem.















References

Myers, D. (2005). Social Psychology (8th edition). New York, NY: McGraw Hill.

NASA, National Association for Self-Esteem (2008). What is self-esteem?
Retrieved April 19, 2009, from National Association for Self-Esteem Web site: http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/what.php.

Zenk, A. (2007). Texas woman’s university. Retrieved May 3, 2009, from Improving
Self-Confidence Web site: http://www.twu.edu/osl/Counseling/SelfHelp034.html.